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Community Corner

Dad's Eye View

Reflections on parenting from dads on Father's Day.

Every day I am faced with the reality of being a mom, from the moment my son calls to me from his crib in the morning.  Apart from the duties of caring for him, I am also involved in an online community of moms, I sometimes meet up with other mom friends, I read mommy blogs daily, and I talk to other moms at work.

Rarely do I get to hear the perspective of dads.  Other than that of my husband, of course.  But in typical male fashion, he is not often effusive with his thoughts and emotions.

In honor of Father’s Day, I reached out to all the devoted dads I know for their thoughts on parenting.  The good, the bad, and the poopy.   

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I posed the question: If you could speak to your pre-dad self, what would you say?

I was absolutely amazed by the response.  The answers were thoughtful, funny, enlightening, and heartwarming.  I’m 'mom' enough to say I was brought to tears at times by their words.  I'm happy and honored to share them.

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Prepare Yourself

“I'd tell myself... Don’t do it!  Ha, kidding.”

“You can read as many books as you want, but there is NOTHING that prepares you for being a parent. I've been at it for 11 years, and although I'm definitely better than I was, I learn something new every day about myself and my kids and my relationship with my wife. Most of the times it's good, but even when it's not, it's still not all that bad.”

"Buckle up, it going to be the ride of your life.”

"You're going to be a step dad. No, really, you are. I know, you weren't planning on such a responsibility. You're going to be so in love with his mother, it will make it that much easier to love her son, as if he were your own.”

“Self, you're a smart guy. Now take everything you think you know about being a dad, wrap it up and prepare to throw it out.  Everyone will say, ‘you have no idea what you're in for.’  They're right. I'm going to say it too. You have no idea.”

Self-sacrifice

"You are not as important as you think you are. One day you will have 2 daughters, and your love for them will be stronger than the sun and dwarf anything you thought you loved before.”

"Becoming a parent is the universe's way of teaching you that there's more to 'life' than just 'you'.  In fact, your entire life will revolve around your new cause.”

“One eye-opener is that the sacrifices you have to make are not going to be as bad as you think, and your life as this cool, young hipster isn't over as you know it.  Even when you are newly married without kids, you still have the times when it's "me" and "you" and not always "us". Once you become a parent, you don't even think twice about sacrificing for your kids, it's just that simple.”

“You'll no longer live for you. As soon as he enters the world, everything you do is for him.”

The Little Things

“Whether you’re teaching your child a life lesson, making a bottle, or cleaning up the first 'poop explosion', it forces you to be in the moment at all times and do something for someone else.”

“Don’t worry, you will get to keep your Star Wars action figures and video games.  And you’ll get to share them with an awesome little kid.”

“You'll watch every breath he takes...amazed at each and every one.  You'll never forget the first time he looks at you, or the first time he grabs your finger.” 

“The best times are when I'm sitting in another room listening to my three kids interacting when they think no one else is around. It's so cool to see a sister or brother look out for each other.”

Perspective

“It puts everything else into perspective. No matter what type of day I'm having, my favorite moment is still walking into the house after work and seeing my kids. Everything and everyone else takes a back seat for those 5 minutes…and it's the best part of my day.”

“There are no awards, no accolades, it's just you raising your child and the final product is your relationship with your baby. It's as pure as it gets and the experience is like no other. It's awesome."

“Always remember that your family and especially your children come first. Make time for them no matter what you are doing or how busy you are.”

“Every emotion that you've experienced and learned to control, throw them out the window. You'll be seeing the world through a new set of eyes. Be ready to learn everything you know again.”

Love

“You may not be his biological father, but remember to show your step son how much you love him and his Mom. It makes it easier for him to love you, as if you were his own."

“You will learn what love actually is."

“Love the one they decide to love and live the rest of their life with. Oh, and the grandchildren, give them the same love and attention as your own children, but spoil the heck out of them and let the parents straighten them out when they get home”

“You think you know what it feels like to love. You love your wife, your family and friends. You have your passions. But, your heart will not learn to love until you meet the baby human you helped create.”

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, to all my dad friends and family who participated in this exercise.

  • Gary Hedrick, dad to Dahlia
  • Nicholas Lavallee, step-dad to Josh
  • Bill Gerety, dad to Julia, Liam, and Katie
  • Tony Salamone, dad to Desmond
  • Kenneth Biagiotti, dad to Nicholas and Mark, and soon-to-be-grandfather to “Guppy”
  • Richard Harmon, dad to Logan and Prudence

And Happy Father’s Day to all the hard-working, devoted dads out there.  You are very much loved and appreciated.

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